Thursday, June 24, 2010

Twilight Junkie!

I suppose I can't poke fun of my husband's obsession with "Star Wars" any more. 
 Yes, I too have been bitten by the "Twilight" bug, BIG TIME! I feel like such a nerd.  I've read all the books, I own the movies and the soundtracks to both.
"Stephanie Meyers, you are a genius!"
This did however, put a strain on my marriage.  My husband complained all the time, that all I wanted to do was read my books and I didn't pay enough attention to him anymore. What that really translated to in husband language was (Put the damn book down! I need to get laid!)  "Ohhh please! You've got your hand! I'm reading here!" (Ha, Ha)   Maybe I was a little harsh but they are really good books!!
I was in mourning for weeks after I finished "Breaking Dawn", the conclusion to the series. 
I found the most hilarious video on (YouTube). Check it out!

Shallow Day -TWILIGHT (what have you done to my wife?)


Faster than a runny nose.

More powerful with a shot of espresso...(or five).

Able to leap over mounds of laundry in a single bound.

Look! In the mirror!

Your tired. Your roots are showing. Your lucky if you get a shower.

Your Supermom!

Yes, from the moment these little creatures exited my womb this is what I have strived to be. Impossible? Maybe. Never the less, I keep trying.

I guess I'm still not exactly sure what being a "Supermom" in tales. Does this breed of mother really exist? Or is it simply an urban legend created to further guilt us moms in to forever feeling inadequate? Am I supposed to selflessly sacrifice everything entirely for my kids? Or, am I allowed to do some things for me and not live in fear of the guilt?

Is letting them watch five episodes of "Scooby Doo" in a row so I can have some "me time" really so bad?

Does putting off buying one of them a new pair of shoes for a couple of weeks, and getting my hair cut instead make me a "bad" mom?

What if, not cleaning out that scratch on my daughter's knee, leads to some flesh eating bacteria outbreak?

Should I let them chew regular gum and risk cavities or sugarless gum and risk cancer?

These are questions that plague me on a regular basis.

Just the other day, I had a "Kirby" vacuum salesman come to my door. He was offering to clean the carpet in one room of my house for free if I listened to his spiel. I had absolutely NO intention of spending $3,000 on a vacuum cleaner! (Unless maybe it could cook dinner and fold the laundry.)

Normally I would have said no,but It just so happened that I had a particularly dirty area in my dining room (ground in gummy treats I think) that could use some TLC. So I agreed. I thought my husband was gonna kill me for letting him in the house, but I didn't have a carpet cleaner and "Free" was the operative word here.

Those "Kirby" salesman are good! By the end of the presentation I was ready to break out my check book! If you've never seen one of these machines in action, they are pretty impressive. They pull things out of your carpet you didn't even know were in there, they clean dust mites from your mattress and pillows and they even convert into a shampooer!

I didn't buy the vacuum of course. Luckily I had my husband there to rein me back to earth by dangling the $3,000 price tag in my face. I politely turned him down. When he left though, I felt really guilty for not buying it.

I'm a clean freak. One of my self qualifications for Supermom includes a spotless house that looks like its straight out of "Better Homes and Gardens" Magazine. Pretty Unrealistic with three kids, I know. In my mind I kept thinking that maybe I was being a bad mom by not buying this "miracle" machine, instead of using my plain old vacuum I bought at Wal -Mart. (How could I continue to let them waller in this unseen filth! What if I'm putting their health at risk?)

Yes, these are the rambling thoughts that go through my mind. Part of me knows these thoughts are crazy, but the sane part of me(If there is one left) questions weather or not the crazy part is right. (SIGH!)

What's a mom to do?? Perhaps I may just have to accept the fact that I'm only human after all.

Maybe in order to potentially keep myself out of a straight jacket in the future, I should hang up
my cape and settle for being a good mom instead.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Question of the day...

What is soooo exciting about bubbles?
Soap Bubbles.
Spit Bubbles.
Snot Bubbles?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Billboard Blunder

There is a billboard that I drive by several times a week that has successfully managed to rub me the wrong way.
I doubt that that was the reaction the business intended from passers by, or for all I know maybe it was, but it continues to irritate me all the same. I'm curious what others have to say on the subject so I decided to write about it.

It is no secret that most women in our society have self image issues. From birth, society practically places a list of expectations on each of our isolettes
in the hospital nursery. It might as well read:

ATTENTION! "In order to be popular, successful & desired (Things that every woman wants) You must maintain the following:

1. Be thin,tall and pretty.

2. You must have blemish, cellulite and stretch mark free skin.

3. Once you have hit the approximate age of 35 you are no longer allowed to age. You must do everything in your power to continue to look 35 no matter what the physical or monetary cost.

4. You must have adequately sized, firm breasts.

5. If you decide to have children, you must look like a supermodel throughout your pregnancy and return to your thin, pre-pregnancy self within a month of giving birth.

6. You must maintain a household that would make Martha proud.

7. You must be super mom.

8. Should you choose to work outside of the home, numbers 1-7 still apply.

PS... Stilettos are a plus.

You probably get where I'm going with this. This billboard, is for a local plastic surgery center. It pictures a lovely young pregnant woman adoringly looking down cradling her belly. The add says something to the effect of: " Restore the damage that pregnancy does to your body, come see us for a body make over!"

Ya, pregnancy is hard on your body but I'm one of those sick women who like being pregnant. I'm in awe of the process going on inside my body. It's probably the only time in my life that I feel totally beautiful. It is a process that should be respected. So to have this giant sign that makes women feel as though this beautiful sacred process comes at huge cost to your body, well, I think it is shameful! Don't get me wrong, If Plastic surgery is your choice then go for it!! I myself have considered it. But the choice should be yours alone not because society makes you feel as though you are less of a woman for having a few stretch marks and less than perky boobs.

You grew a life inside of you! Not to mention squeezed that little person through an opening a fraction of it's size!(Or had it cut from your womb for you C sectioners out there). There is no job,invention or discovery that compares to that feat! If you ask me, It should be against the law to make any negative comment about a woman's body! So the next time a magazine or commercial makes you feel less than happy about your body, just smile, extend your middle finger and tell society to SHOVE IT!!

Real life blonde joke

This is a real life blonde joke that I just had to tell! Sorry Mom and Jos but this was just too funny not to share!

So, two blonds go to the grocery store. One blonde decides to stay in the car but asks the other one to pick up two items for her: Tampons and a donut. While standing in the feminine care isle, the blonde texts the other, "Super or Regular?" She texts back "Do they have glazed?" The blonde in the store returns her text saying "NO, 4 tampons!" The blonde in the car texts back " I think I'm gonna need more than 4, get a whole box!"

Honestly people, this is my gene pool!!! (LOL!) Thanks Mom and Jos for letting me share! I love you!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's like searching for "Bigfoot".

You can't go a day with out hearing how bad the economy is lately! The Housing market is down, unemployment rate is up, blah, blah, blah. I can tell you what is up for sure, the stack of bills on my table and my stress level!

When I got married, nine years ago,I never imagined that I would be as broke as I am today. I think though, my frustration has reached its peak! Thus the reason I am sitting here with a pile of tissues feeling sorry for myself.

I lost my job almost a year ago. It was a crappy job anyway and in my mind it was God's way of pushing me to stay home with my kids and telling me something better was on the horizon.

I've always considered myself a person of faith. I believe that things happen for a reason. Some people believe that you choose your own destiny, but I happen to believe that your path is already laid out for you. You just have to hold on for the ride. Lately, this is the first time in my life that I'm really starting to question my faith.

My anxiety is out of control. My husband is working his ass off selling cars after several failed attempts in the insurance business and his measly paychecks still aren't covering our bills. I have tried looking for another job, but putting three kids in daycare at $1500/mo. would make working pointless. We even went to our local DHS (Department of Human Services) office inquiring about assistance with child care costs. Tell me this isn't completely backassword... The worker tells us that to qualify for child care assistance, both parents have to be working...DUH! but with two incomes we would most likely make too much money to qualify!!!! At that point I just threw up my hands. I mean, what sense does that make?

So, OK. We have established that I can't work outside the home, so I guess I will look for work that I can do from home. That gave me some hope...At first. Little did I know that searching for a legitimate "at home job" that pays decent and isn't a scam is like looking for "Bigfoot". Some say they exist, some say they have actually found one but no one can provide solid proof that such a job actually exists. If I got a nickel per minute for all the time I have spent online searching for a job working from home, I wouldn't need to look anymore!

It's soooooo depressing! If I have to look at one more website of a guy next to his zillion dollar yacht ,sipping champagne, talking about how his life was so hard before he discovered the "Key" to financial freedome, and for the low price of $199.99 he will share that secret with me, I'm gonna throw up!!!

Who ever said that money doesn't buy happiness, has obveously never been poor! Don't get me wrong, I am very hapily married with three beautiful children that I love more than life! I'm greatful every day for our health and deep down I know that is the most important thing. I'm already happy. I would just like to be happy with far less financial stress!!! In so many ways I attribute my financial success with good parenting. I want my kids to have it all which goes back to an earlier post I wrote, "Perfection and parenting don't mix".
There just has to be a solution out there somewhere!!!!